The Pledge Of Allegiance: Indoctrination By Any Other Name

Two words: “Under God”. (Kinky!)

The Pledge of Allegiance is 31 words long, but 29 of them really don’t amount to shit most of the time. It’s the combination punch of “under god” that has caused our little friend ‘Pledgie’ to become such a controversial issue. That demented little Lyndsey Lohanian fucker has been dragged in front of a judge on more than one occasion by Jehovah’s Witnesses, non-monotheists, and really bored dip-shit activists just looking for dip-shit things to argue about as a way of getting some publicity for whatever dip-shit cause they feel helps get them laid.

A direct result of many of these law suits is that children in public schools are no longer required to stand and recite the pledge if they don’t want to and it is now generally understood that “under god” doesn’t necessarily promote a specific christian deity as much as it is just a “ceremonial expression” (The courts term. Not mine).

In other words, because no one is singing “Onward Christian Soldier”, and because it is voluntary, many courts are saying everyone should just shut the fuck up for fifteen seconds because the world will keep spinning and we should all let them get back to prosecuting murderers and rapists and shit. Generally speaking, good advice.

Now, do I believe “Under God” in the pledge is meant to be religious? Yes I do. Do I care? Not one fucking bit. Do I still have a problem with the Pledge of Allegiance? You bet your sweet ass I do! Shall I dissect each of those statements? Well I sure as shit ain’t typing this for my health.

Is It Religious:

The original Pledge of Allegiance as written by Francis Bellamy in 1892 went as follows:

“I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

That’s all there was to it: completely non-denominational AND with no specific reference to the United States. Like a back-room happy ending, he wanted it to be quick and to the point without the unnecessary foreplay.

It should be pointed out that Bellamy was a Baptist minister, so here we have a man of god CHOOSING to leave any mention of god out of the golly-gosh-darned thing. That right there should speak volumes.

(History lesson: Bellamy was a bit of a socialist for the time. He believed in equality for both minorities and women long before that line of thinking became the norm and eventually left the church altogether because he felt it was becoming too racist. So he had that going for him. But before you start building red, white and blue shrines around your flagpole to the man, know that he also was against many types of immigration into the U.S. because he thought it would ruin the country down the line. Man, that GOP blood goes deep.)

Now different wording was added and changed over the years with no other fucking reason being than people actually care about REALLY stupid shit with the nonsense brigade culminating in 1954 with the Knights of Columbus, the worlds largest Catholic fraternal organization, petitioning Congress to add “under god” to the pledge with President Eisenhower, having recently been baptized as a Presbyterian, putting his support behind it. Congress passed it. Everyone congratulated themselves for being so patriotic. And school kids everywhere still didn’t care because they were too busy learning that ducking and covering oneself with your hands will render you immune to a radioactive blast. (SCIENCE!)

So when I say I think the pledge is meant to be religious, I say that from the standpoint that a MINISTER chose not to make it religious but with a Catholic organization and recently watered down supernatural light-blinded president turning it into one. The courts can say the phrase that pays doesn’t mean anything, but they are lying out of their black-robed asses when they do.

Do I Care?

Not a bit. For a couple of reasons. One, I haven’t said the pledge of allegiance since god knows when, so I give not one immaculately conceived turd if “under god” is a religious expression. The only reason this lawsuit exists is because atheist parents didn’t like their children saying it, which again, may be going overboard. (I feel these types of lawsuits give atheists a bad name. But it is also interesting that in the very non-religious state of Massachusetts, the parents are listed on court documents as “John and Jane Doe” for fear of reprisal from the community if people knew their real names.)

Second, and more importantly, I throw out the expressions “Go To Hell”, “Jesus Fucking Christ”, and “God Damn It” (usually all in the same sentence while standing in line at Starbucks checking scores on my phone) with aplomb and they have ZERO religious connotations for me. I am not cursing the presumed Son Of God but, instead, using what has become a very common expression by foul-mouthed hooligans such as myself. So ultimately this is me being a greedy dick and not wanting to give up certain epithets the general population at large has come to know and love.

Do I Still Have A Problem With The Pledge?

Actually, very much, with the main reason being it is just really fucking creepy. Like “Village of the Damned’ creepy! Here we have a room full of kids turning to a piece of cloth and start chanting about servitude all at the same time. Tell me the teacher wouldn’t freak the shit out if all of the kids stood up and started doing the exact same thing to the coat rack at some random moment?

But on a slightly more serious note, I have a problem with it because we are talking about children blindly reciting an oath they themselves probably don’t fully comprehend. It is one thing for parents, having accumulated the knowledge of what they are saying, to be forced to do it at their office (which would bring on an even greater number of lawsuits if that was the reality).

But it is quite another when it has become common-place for a class of 25 empty-headed little blank-slates, 85% of them probably having just picked their nose, to verbally sign their life away each week when they think “indivisible” is the super-power of that chick from the ‘Fantastic Four’.  It’s just like these fucking “celibacy” pledges many church groups turn pre-teens onto before they are old enough to understand what sex really is.

I guess I have never really been a big fan of “pledges”. I am more the type of person who likes to do something because they WANT to and not because they took some kind of oath and feel required to. It loses some of its heart when you aren’t doing something out of love.

But I will say, I do find it funny that one of the main criticisms of the public school system by conservative parents is they are these “liberal indoctrination factories” that turn their children onto bad ideas (like science and math), but those same conservatives are the ones who are all for public schools making the students recite the pledge in what is obviously a much bigger type of indoctrination.

Moral of the story here kids: As long as “patriotism” equates to “god fearing”, indoctrination is a very good thing indeed when chanting at a flag.

Which is crazy.

Every good christian knows God hates flags.